Pilih yang Mana?

Mentari belum muncul dari peraduan saat aku bersiap-siap meninggalkan kehangatan kamar. Roda benak berputar kencang untuk memutuskan pilihan. Commuter-line atau Transjakarta? Menimbang-nimbang plus-minus dari keduanya agar bisa sampai di Gambir sebelum jam 07.00.

Bagaimana jika memilih si naga besi? Cukup jalan kaki menuju sarangnya dan siap membawaku pergi jam 05.15. Tiga perhentian harus kulalui (Duri–Manggarai–Juanda) dan kemudian berganti moda transportasi untuk mencapai Gambir.

Bagaimana dengan bus? Perlu angkot atau go-jek untuk mengantarku ke halte dan aku tak tahu kapan munculnya armada pertama. Kelebihannya, hanya perlu berhenti sekali di Harmoni, dan bus selanjutnya akan membawaku langsung ke destinasi, Gambir.

Pilih yang mana? Transjakarta tentu saja! Menembus dinginnya pagi menuju halte Rawabuaya bersama motor si abang go-jek dan mencapai halte tepat jam 05.00. Menunggu dan menunggu di bagian halte yang tanpa lampu . . . armada pertama muncul jam 05.10 dan membawaku menuju Harmoni dalam waktu setengah-jam. Yang bikin senang, bus ke Pulogadung sudah menanti di gerbangnya dan masih banyak kursi kosong yang bisa diduduki. Jam 05.45 bus itu bergerak dan mengantarku sampai di Gambir tepat 5 menit sebelum jam 06.00. Yihay . . . happy karena tiba lebih awal dan bisa menanti dengan tenang . . . sekaligus frustrasi karena mati gaya— 75 menit menanti si naga besi yang akan mengantarku ke sarang batik Trusmi.

What should I do then? Just enjoy [or killing?] the time . . . reading, browsing, reading, browsing . . . until the train arrives on time, 07.15, to take me to my destination.

Jakarta, 14 June 2018



Ghost (Writing) Clinic

A friend of mine told me several months ago that she will join a writing workshop by the end of May. I simply asked her how to join the workshop. Everything with ghost in writing interest me 🙂 . . . though I am not a writer.I can only write daily stories, a kind of diary, and just short stories. Start from rarely to write in 2015 to update my private blow until I don’t write anymore. I just feel that I can’t write and my writings just an ordinary ones, not good and not interesting. That is the reason I like to write as a ghost by using pseudonym. Mostly readers don’t know that it was my writing. But several of my close friends can guess it by reading the writing style I use. Even now, it is a struggle for me to write the opening sentence. When reading my old writings, I don’t remember how can I write all the sentences. Some of my friends said that I need to practice and start to write article for blog. Don’t they know my struggle that I don’t feel confidence with my own writings? Or is it because I’m too afraid to get some critics? Or afraid that reader will say that it is a bad writing ever? Or I don’t want to practice or to try again? Or still I can’t let go my old wounds which hurt my heart deeply?

No matter the reasons are, I just know that I’m lazy to write and provide so many excuses not to write anymore. So when joining the ghost writer clinic, I meet the great speaker. She is an editor who becomes a fiction writer, a wellknown ones. Again she reminds us about practice, practice, and practice to increase the writing skill. That’s the difficult task for me since I never write anymore. But she bewitches me with the writing process of Negeri Para Roh. She gives several practice ways how to sharpen our writing skills. It seems that she says, “Don’t be afraid to write! You write to satisfy your soul and heart, no matter others will say!” Can I do that?

That’s the reason which make me shock since I’m one of two participants who won the main doorprize: this great writer, Rosi L. Simamora, will coaching me personally to write something, until the end of December 2016! All the participants want this doorprize and I’m the one who get it, but still I don’t believe it . . . what will I write? This is a great opportunity, but I don’t know how to use it . . . these questions come up in my mind when the MC invites me to go to the front and shake hand with mbak Rosi. It is not a dream, but still I can’t believe it. Even mbak Rosi can read it through my face . . .

Yes, it will be my good chance to write again. But the big question is, what will I write? Don’t know yet . . .


My room, 29 May 2016


a hidden gift

It’s almost a year after my last post 😦 How difficult to discipline myself to write something. So today will start again…hope that it will not only a seasonal wish, but will be a routine thing to do…at least one writing a month make my fingers dance smoothly 🙂

This morning is different from my usual mornings. Since yesterday I didn’t keep up my words with David for the broadcasting stuff, I “pay” my debt today. Now I am dealing with Jo. He asks me to read a devotional after gives me two tips: 1. try to be relax, 2. pay attention to your articulation and intonation. That’s all and he just standing next to me when my voice being recorded.

Then he gives his evaluation. My voice color is “ripe” enough for the low voice (the alto sound). My articulation is clear and the thing that makes me shock is when he said that I have a good voice color for radio. He and David have a “sensitive” hearing to know which sound is good or not for the “voice”. “He says, “Your voice is a gift.” Though he can hear the javanese dialect in my voice. The dialect can’t be erased, but it can be reduce since it is the way I speak since I was born.

Frankly speaking, I never think that my voice is my gift. I just feel that this morning, he and He reveal my hidden gift. But is it true? For me it’s too good to be true. I’m too too quiet, even I seldom to speak if it’s not necessary. In my family, I have my father’s DNA, of course lah 🙂 … what I mean is that I am almost the same as my daddy…quiet and can’t sing. Though my dad is a good teacher but don’t ask him to sing 🙂 even he only talks much in front of the class, out of the class, the silent mode on. And myself is the same. So when Jo said that my voice color is good, actually I can’t believe it. When I told him about it, he said that I’ve never been diagnosed by the right doctor who knows well about voice stuff.

He also explains that when someone is hearing their recording voice, they have 2 feelings: 1. they have no confidence of themselves (subjective), 2. there is a difference when hearing the voice directly or the recording voice. When I am speaking, I hear the sound through the air and also I can feel the sound which propagates from my mouth to my ear. When hearing the recording voice, I only hear the sound through the air. It creates the differences of the sound.

But still I am not sure with my own voice. David and Jo agree that I have a good voice color, I am not convinced yet. They have an open audition for the staff to read the devotional for radio program. I’m not sure that I will be the chosen voice since Santi’s, Echa’s, Mary’s, Yuli’s, Riris’ are much much better 🙂 At least I have tried to record my voice.

Is it difficult to give thanks for my hidden gift? Yes, it is since I never realize that I have it. On the other side, I am afraid if I never use this special gift of mine…the hidden one…

Jakarta, 17 September 2014

Tutur Sepatah

Setiap tulisan bagaikan cahaya yang menembus relung-relung hati si penulis…

…pelajaran manis dan pahit yang harus ditelan

…kebenaran yang dibukakan

…pencerahan yang disingkapkan

…beragam emosi yang dirasakan

karena Sang Penjunan tak pernah lelah membentuknya hari demi hari