Pilih yang Mana?

Mentari belum muncul dari peraduan saat aku bersiap-siap meninggalkan kehangatan kamar. Roda benak berputar kencang untuk memutuskan pilihan. Commuter-line atau Transjakarta? Menimbang-nimbang plus-minus dari keduanya agar bisa sampai di Gambir sebelum jam 07.00.

Bagaimana jika memilih si naga besi? Cukup jalan kaki menuju sarangnya dan siap membawaku pergi jam 05.15. Tiga perhentian harus kulalui (Duri–Manggarai–Juanda) dan kemudian berganti moda transportasi untuk mencapai Gambir.

Bagaimana dengan bus? Perlu angkot atau go-jek untuk mengantarku ke halte dan aku tak tahu kapan munculnya armada pertama. Kelebihannya, hanya perlu berhenti sekali di Harmoni, dan bus selanjutnya akan membawaku langsung ke destinasi, Gambir.

Pilih yang mana? Transjakarta tentu saja! Menembus dinginnya pagi menuju halte Rawabuaya bersama motor si abang go-jek dan mencapai halte tepat jam 05.00. Menunggu dan menunggu di bagian halte yang tanpa lampu . . . armada pertama muncul jam 05.10 dan membawaku menuju Harmoni dalam waktu setengah-jam. Yang bikin senang, bus ke Pulogadung sudah menanti di gerbangnya dan masih banyak kursi kosong yang bisa diduduki. Jam 05.45 bus itu bergerak dan mengantarku sampai di Gambir tepat 5 menit sebelum jam 06.00. Yihay . . . happy karena tiba lebih awal dan bisa menanti dengan tenang . . . sekaligus frustrasi karena mati gaya— 75 menit menanti si naga besi yang akan mengantarku ke sarang batik Trusmi.

What should I do then? Just enjoy [or killing?] the time . . . reading, browsing, reading, browsing . . . until the train arrives on time, 07.15, to take me to my destination.

Jakarta, 14 June 2018



Don’t You Trust Me?

After tidied up the room, my uncle said that my cousin, Gary, will take me home. “Oh, no,” I said to myself. I’d rather go by bus than with Gary. He will ride his motorbike, the big one. Though I know how good Gary is with his motor, I am still afraid.

“Let’s go, sis!” said Gary when he was ready to take me home.

“Be careful and don’t go too fast!” my uncle said to his son. “OK, boss,” replied Gary with his smile.

Then, he and I were heading to the highway and my fear getting worsted. Many said that the biker will know when his/her passenger was very tense or afraid. “Are you afraid,” asked Gary.

“How many times you were riding with me and you still afraid?” he teased me.

“Of course, I am afraid. Don’t ride too fast, please.” He just laughed.

When we were in the highway, he didn’t slow down. I knew he was very skillful to ride in this heavy traffic jam, but still . . . Though he was fast, several motors are faster than him. When I kept talking to myself, “Please be calm, don’t be afraid,” suddenly on my left, I saw a man who rode with a small boy, perhaps his son. The boy was so calm. He just held the man’s waist and enjoyed the scenery. When we stopped at the traffic light, I say a woman who rode with a teenage girl. No worry in the girl’s face as soon as the woman hit the gas very fast when the traffic light turned to green. Me still stiff on Gary’s motor. What things made me so afraid to ride as motorbike’s passenger? List of “what ifs” was dancing in my mind . . . What if Gary runs too fast? What if he lost control of his speed and can’t hit the break? What if we fall? What if another motor hits us? What if there is accident? What if . . .

Before Gary hit the gas to make his motor faster, his question stunned me. “Don’t you trust me? I will never let you fall. Just relax and I will drive you safely.”

It seemed that he knew my mind? 🙂 I know that I am not as skillful as Gary when riding a motorbike. But I prefer to be the driver than the passenger. I can manage my speed (though I am well-known as the slowest rider) and how to ride my motor. Frankly, I am not brave enough to ride motorbike by own in the highways.

Gary’s question made me think, while I tried hard to calm myself. “Don’t you trust me?”

When for this simple thing—riding a motorbike with him—I can’t trust him fully, how I can trust something big or someone? It seems that I only prefer to trust myself. Though it isn’t always bad, but my percentage of trusting myself is very high. I need to learn to trust with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding, day by day, even with a simple thing like to ride a motorbike with Gary.

Reference: Proverb 3:5

Jakarta, 8 March 2018

Bright Yellow?

Yellow is not my favorite color. But this morning, suddenly I became a yellow fanatic fan. When I went to the toilet to remove the residual fluid excreted by my kidneys, I really surprised because the color was no longer bright yellow, but it was almost red. How come since my period was finished last week?

“You need to drink much water to clear up the color,” said one of my friends.

I followed her suggestion and tried to make myself busy with office works so that I did’nt think about it. The 2nd time I went to the toilet, my urine color didn’t change a bit.

“Perhaps after lunch,” I said to myself and kept the positive thinking. But after lunch, the color stayed red, no matter how many glasses of water I drink 😦

Worry slowly infiltrated my mind and my heart. After lunch, quickly I consulted Mr. Google to know all reasons which can change the urine color. The results were not make me happy at all, such as a possibility of urinary infection, or early symptoms of kidney failure, or symptoms of hepatitis, or carotene excess in the body, etc. Indeed, since morning, I didn’t feel good with my tummy and easy to bloat every time I ate spicy or sour food. My worry crippled me. I can’t focus on my works at that time, forgot my appointment with my friends, forgot to call my sister, and many more. Too much worry crippled me 😦 Since there was no changes in the color after office hour, I immediately sought information about medical check up (MCU) at the nearest hospital.

Then I tried to remember the food I ate yesterday and the days before. There were no strange food I ate last week and yesterday I just cooked broccoli and carrots. Was it few slices of carrot caused the carotene excess and make my tummy swirled? Or was it because of too much stress due to increasingly office tasks?

I tried not too focus on the problem, but I failed. Even the arrival of Selmi, my best friend didn’t help either. She asked for some translations, but I help her halfheartedly. She thought that I was tired and sleepy, so she didn’t stay any longer. Before left my room, out of the blue she asked, “Was your pee red all day?”

How can she know?

“Yes!! I’d been anxious all day because of it. I googled it for the reasons and the results made me worry.”

Easily she replied, “It was because we ate red dragon fruits last night, Sis. No need to worry.”

Just because eating the dragon fruit?? Suddenly my burden disappeared. The dragon fruits, the red ones, were the culprit which made me worry all day. Were they? 🙂 I googled again about the red dragon fruit. The results said that it has high content of antioxidant and carotene. The fruit is very good for maintaining our health. And when you eat it, don’t be surprised when you don’t get your bright yellow pee 🙂

Worries didn’t give me any good that day, even made me forgot to bring in my prayer. My execuse was that it’s just a simple thing, no need pray about it. Just a simple but makes me worry all day? So, whether it’s big or just a simple, I know that I can tell Him everything. Too much worry is not healthy.

Reference: Philliphians 4:6

Jakarta, 26 February 2018

When Bad Feelings Appear

“Birds flying high, you know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you know how I feel. Breeze driftin’ on by, you know how I feel. It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life . . . for me. And I’m feeling good.”

Do you recognize the song? Yes, it’s Michael Buble’s “Feeling Good”. Hope that we always get good feeling all day, but it seems impossible since sometimes our surroundings can create bad feelings which will appear without notice. Bad feelings can appear in every where, whether you are at home, on the road, in the workplace, even during your vacation time. Anything can trigger them. For example in an office stuff, when you are a senior staff and suddenly your boss does not invite you to join an annual meeting, but your boss invites a junior staff who does not know anything yet about all the office products. Then how do you feel? For several people, they can feel irritated, miserable, inferior, inadequate, and perhaps stupid.

Do you know the real definition of each feeling? The Cambridge Dictionary helps us by giving a clear definition. Irritated is something that make (someone) impatient, angry, or annoyed. And then miserable is someone who is very unhappy, very severe or unpleasant. What about inferior? It appears when someone is feeling not good or not as good as someone or something else. Next, inadequate is when you feel not enough or not good enough. And the last one is stupid. It is when someone thinks that she/he is having or showing a lack of ability to learn and understand things, not sensible or logical, and not able to think normally because you are tired, angry, etc.

Those are just little examples of bad feelings which can affect anyone. Those are really ugly, aren’t they? What kind of reasons which can trigger the appearance of such  feelings? When the example is the senior staff, perhaps she/he thinks that her/his career is start to downgrade when it is compare with the junior staff career. Or perhaps she/he thinks that she/he is not usefull anymore in the office. And so many reasons . . . ugly ones . . . which can create such ugly feelings.

Then what can you do when bad feelings suddenly appear in front of your face? The easiest things to do is making excuses. You start make a list of reasons to explain why you are not as good as you think. Talking about excuses, there is one character in the Bible who gave many excuses when God asked him to do a task. Do you know who he is? Yes, Moses. Do you remember how many times he tried to avoid the task given by God? When you read chapter 3 and 4 of Exodus, you know that Moses implied to say “no” to God for five times. He gave reasons, reasonable ones, and perhaps we can say of how weak Moses is. Even God himself promised that He will be with Moses, gave Moses His name, and also provided Moses with capabilities to perform miracles. But Moses said that he was not good enough, could not speak well (really? After all of his education as an Egypt prince, this excuse is very lame), and the last excuse, the real one, is when he asked God to send anyone else. Oh, boy . . . but what if you are wearing Moses’ shoes? Will you do the same thing or you are brave enough to say, “Ok, Lord, I will go” when God asks you the very first time?

Is the last excuse that Moses gave to God the same as running away? So besides make excuses, someone tends to run away rather than dealing with problems that make her/him has bad feelings. The forms are varies, such as starting to get lazy to go to work, reluctant to do the works she/he loves before, does not want to get involve with the projects when the junior staff has some parts in them, etc.

Is there any positive traits to do when bad feelings appear? Some suggestions say that we can do something that make us happy when we are feeling blue. We can have vacation, watch a concert, do our hobbies, or even just make changes of the usual habits. For example, if we usually go to the office through the main road, we can try to find another roads. Or we can have lunch or dinner with our friends. If you like to write, perhaps you can make a list of daily gratitudes, something that you can give thanks to the Lord every day. And many things else which you can find and do when bad feelings start to gnaw your life. Then you can share the tips with us to help others who are in a blue mood too.

And we can sing with Buble, “. . . It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life . . . for me. And I’m feeling good.”

Jakarta, 30 April 2017

trip to Depok :)

I dont believe that I actually did the trip last nite or this early morning. Today is Sem’s birthday and she starts to live in her house at Depok with her brother. I miss her since we are together to live in the same boarding house for almost 10 years 😦

Today is her birthday and actually her sister and I have a plan to go to Depok on next Friday to celebrate the birthday. Her sister has 4 subjects to learn at her campus today and I as usual has to go to the office, then do the teaching. Too late to go to Depok after we are done with our activities.

So yesterday morning, I came up with an idea that we have to make a surprise for Sem at midnite. I tried to find a car to rent, but all are full-booking. Thanks God, Edel and Andri can find one and succeed to ask Ray, their friend, to be the driver.

I arrived home at 20.30 after visited Marlina at RS Siloam, Karawaci. Then at 21.30, we were ready to go to Depok…Edel, Ray, Inda, Sri, Andri, Roland, and me. Inda bought the birthday cake for this simple surprise party. At 23.13, we arrived at GDC. Since the kids were hungry, we stopped at nasi uduk for late dinner.

Then we arrived at Sem’s house at 24.05 🙂 …so much fun for the preparation, so many laughs with the kids, and Inda’s effort to open the gate quietly. It succeed but not with the main door at the house. We found out that Sem did not pull out the key from the door so that we can’t open it from outside. Thanks God since Bobby was awake and opened the door for us.

And Sem…she just woke up from her sleep 🙂 but she told us that she had the feeling that we will do something for her because of my WhatsApp messages. Oh, no…we try to keep it secret, but I’m the one who blow the secret. Yesterday morning I just said how I miss her and how is her first journey from Depok to her office. But because of the messages, she had got the feeling that something will happen for her….so sorry kids 🙂

At least we had so much fun in the short time. But something happened with my tummy. I had got a stomachache and it hurt very much. I thought that it was because of the nasi uduk, but only me who got the stomachache 😦 It disappeared after I spent some times in the toilet. Then we were ready to go home.

Ray was so fast when we were heading home…whether it was late at nite so the street was very quiet or because he was sleepy as we were. We can sleep during the journey but Ray cant 🙂

At 2.30, I reached my room sweet room and fall a sleep rightaway…thanks kids for today 🙂

Jakarta & Depok, 11 June 2015

happy thanksgiving :)

suddenly i remember the thanksgiving party in my old office. since no turkey in Indonesia, chicken is ok lah 🙂 So the boss ‘cooked’ 2 or 3 grilled chickens with special ingredients in her big oven and prepared also smash potatoes and others. Then the lunch was ready to serve.

At my time, the staff only a few, not more than 15, so it was a must to say what we were give thanks for…in our work, our family, or our personal life. Hearing all their thanks made me amazed…and now still amazed…of how great our Lord is.

Not only we gave thanks for big things or miraculous ones, even the smallest things or the ordinary ones that made us really grateful for Him…when we still have opportunity to open our eyes in the morning…hey, i’m still alive today 🙂 …, to inhale the fresh air, to move all parts of our body, to smile with our lips, for the sun, for the family, for the work, for all things…

After all the giving thanks and praying for all things He has done and given, we were ready to eat now. The boss’ husband were ready with his knife and big fork to cut the chickens. “Which part do you want?” he asked us one by one…head, neck, breast, wings, etc. He cut the chicken for each of us…and then we started to enjoy the meals and also the togetherness again and again.

So, happy Thanksgiving 🙂
What would you give thanks for today and tomorrow and so-on and so-on? 🙂

Jakarta, 28 November 2013

kehendak-Mu atau kehendakku?

“Aku mau tas sekolah, warna pink,” kata Kiki via telepon.
Saat pulang ke Solo membawakan tas itu, kekecewaan menghiasi wajahnya. “Kenapa, dik?”
“Kok ga ada trolley-nya, budhe? Yang gambarnya Princess?”
Kupandang tas yang kubawa, memang tas sekolah, warna pink dengan gambar kucing hello-kitty. Tas lumayan besar yang muat untuk buku-buku sekolahnya, tetapi itu tak cukup memuaskannya.

Aku pun sering bersikap demikian dalam kehidupan doaku. Setiap doa yang kunaikkan, aku sudah memiliki skenario jawaban yang kuinginkan. Aku kecewa saat doaku tidak terjawab. Bukan karena Allah itu hening atau tidak mau menjawab, tetapi karena jawaban yang diberikan-Nya tak sesuai dengan yang kumau 😦

Sebenarnya doa lebih merupakan cara dimana aku bisa semakin mengenal Allah, semakin tahu kehendak-Nya, dan bagaimana hidupku bisa selaras dengan kehendak-Nya itu.

Namun prakteknya, seolah dengan doaku, aku meminta Allah untuk bertindak sesuai dengan keinginanku. Toh aku tidak berdoa demi kepentinganku sendiri. Aku berdoa agar si A sembuh, agar hubungan si B dan si C dipulihkan, agar diberi guru yang cukup bagus untuk melayani… Jawaban yang kuterima: si A dipanggil-Nya, si B pindah gereja karena tak mau lagi berurusan dengan si C, guru-guru yang ok justru resign dari pelayanan. So, does God really care about me? Sepertinya ini bukan karena Allah tidak mempedulikanku, tetapi karena jawaban-jawaban doa yang kuterima sama sekali tidak seperti yang kuharapkan…itu yang membuatku sering kecewa.

Dalam diskusi yang dilakukan oleh Haddon Robinson, Alice Mathews, dan Philip Yancey yang ditayangkan pagi ini, ada beberapa poin bagus tentang doa yang tidak terjawab.

1. God is not my accomplice to do my work, God is the work itself.
2. Prayer is a matter of trust, whatever the answer is and how silence God is, do I still believe in Him?
3. In my prayer, how can I be in line with His will rather than my own will?

Tayangan ini seperti me-recharge lagi baterai energi yang terhisap setiap kali kekecewaan melanda karena doa yang tidak terjawab…sesuai dengan keinginanku.

Belajar untuk mengatakan, “Jadilah kehendak-Mu, dan bukan kehendakku.”

Rabu, 3 Juli 2013