When Bad Feelings Appear

“Birds flying high, you know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you know how I feel. Breeze driftin’ on by, you know how I feel. It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life . . . for me. And I’m feeling good.”

Do you recognize the song? Yes, it’s Michael Buble’s “Feeling Good”. Hope that we always get good feeling all day, but it seems impossible since sometimes our surroundings can create bad feelings which will appear without notice. Bad feelings can appear in every where, whether you are at home, on the road, in the workplace, even during your vacation time. Anything can trigger them. For example in an office stuff, when you are a senior staff and suddenly your boss does not invite you to join an annual meeting, but your boss invites a junior staff who does not know anything yet about all the office products. Then how do you feel? For several people, they can feel irritated, miserable, inferior, inadequate, and perhaps stupid.

Do you know the real definition of each feeling? The Cambridge Dictionary helps us by giving a clear definition. Irritated is something that make (someone) impatient, angry, or annoyed. And then miserable is someone who is very unhappy, very severe or unpleasant. What about inferior? It appears when someone is feeling not good or not as good as someone or something else. Next, inadequate is when you feel not enough or not good enough. And the last one is stupid. It is when someone thinks that she/he is having or showing a lack of ability to learn and understand things, not sensible or logical, and not able to think normally because you are tired, angry, etc.

Those are just little examples of bad feelings which can affect anyone. Those are really ugly, aren’t they? What kind of reasons which can trigger the appearance of such  feelings? When the example is the senior staff, perhaps she/he thinks that her/his career is start to downgrade when it is compare with the junior staff career. Or perhaps she/he thinks that she/he is not usefull anymore in the office. And so many reasons . . . ugly ones . . . which can create such ugly feelings.

Then what can you do when bad feelings suddenly appear in front of your face? The easiest things to do is making excuses. You start make a list of reasons to explain why you are not as good as you think. Talking about excuses, there is one character in the Bible who gave many excuses when God asked him to do a task. Do you know who he is? Yes, Moses. Do you remember how many times he tried to avoid the task given by God? When you read chapter 3 and 4 of Exodus, you know that Moses implied to say “no” to God for five times. He gave reasons, reasonable ones, and perhaps we can say of how weak Moses is. Even God himself promised that He will be with Moses, gave Moses His name, and also provided Moses with capabilities to perform miracles. But Moses said that he was not good enough, could not speak well (really? After all of his education as an Egypt prince, this excuse is very lame), and the last excuse, the real one, is when he asked God to send anyone else. Oh, boy . . . but what if you are wearing Moses’ shoes? Will you do the same thing or you are brave enough to say, “Ok, Lord, I will go” when God asks you the very first time?

Is the last excuse that Moses gave to God the same as running away? So besides make excuses, someone tends to run away rather than dealing with problems that make her/him has bad feelings. The forms are varies, such as starting to get lazy to go to work, reluctant to do the works she/he loves before, does not want to get involve with the projects when the junior staff has some parts in them, etc.

Is there any positive traits to do when bad feelings appear? Some suggestions say that we can do something that make us happy when we are feeling blue. We can have vacation, watch a concert, do our hobbies, or even just make changes of the usual habits. For example, if we usually go to the office through the main road, we can try to find another roads. Or we can have lunch or dinner with our friends. If you like to write, perhaps you can make a list of daily gratitudes, something that you can give thanks to the Lord every day. And many things else which you can find and do when bad feelings start to gnaw your life. Then you can share the tips with us to help others who are in a blue mood too.

And we can sing with Buble, “. . . It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life . . . for me. And I’m feeling good.”

Jakarta, 30 April 2017


trip to Depok :)

I dont believe that I actually did the trip last nite or this early morning. Today is Sem’s birthday and she starts to live in her house at Depok with her brother. I miss her since we are together to live in the same boarding house for almost 10 years 😦

Today is her birthday and actually her sister and I have a plan to go to Depok on next Friday to celebrate the birthday. Her sister has 4 subjects to learn at her campus today and I as usual has to go to the office, then do the teaching. Too late to go to Depok after we are done with our activities.

So yesterday morning, I came up with an idea that we have to make a surprise for Sem at midnite. I tried to find a car to rent, but all are full-booking. Thanks God, Edel and Andri can find one and succeed to ask Ray, their friend, to be the driver.

I arrived home at 20.30 after visited Marlina at RS Siloam, Karawaci. Then at 21.30, we were ready to go to Depok…Edel, Ray, Inda, Sri, Andri, Roland, and me. Inda bought the birthday cake for this simple surprise party. At 23.13, we arrived at GDC. Since the kids were hungry, we stopped at nasi uduk for late dinner.

Then we arrived at Sem’s house at 24.05 🙂 …so much fun for the preparation, so many laughs with the kids, and Inda’s effort to open the gate quietly. It succeed but not with the main door at the house. We found out that Sem did not pull out the key from the door so that we can’t open it from outside. Thanks God since Bobby was awake and opened the door for us.

And Sem…she just woke up from her sleep 🙂 but she told us that she had the feeling that we will do something for her because of my WhatsApp messages. Oh, no…we try to keep it secret, but I’m the one who blow the secret. Yesterday morning I just said how I miss her and how is her first journey from Depok to her office. But because of the messages, she had got the feeling that something will happen for her….so sorry kids 🙂

At least we had so much fun in the short time. But something happened with my tummy. I had got a stomachache and it hurt very much. I thought that it was because of the nasi uduk, but only me who got the stomachache 😦 It disappeared after I spent some times in the toilet. Then we were ready to go home.

Ray was so fast when we were heading home…whether it was late at nite so the street was very quiet or because he was sleepy as we were. We can sleep during the journey but Ray cant 🙂

At 2.30, I reached my room sweet room and fall a sleep rightaway…thanks kids for today 🙂

Jakarta & Depok, 11 June 2015

happy thanksgiving :)

suddenly i remember the thanksgiving party in my old office. since no turkey in Indonesia, chicken is ok lah 🙂 So the boss ‘cooked’ 2 or 3 grilled chickens with special ingredients in her big oven and prepared also smash potatoes and others. Then the lunch was ready to serve.

At my time, the staff only a few, not more than 15, so it was a must to say what we were give thanks for…in our work, our family, or our personal life. Hearing all their thanks made me amazed…and now still amazed…of how great our Lord is.

Not only we gave thanks for big things or miraculous ones, even the smallest things or the ordinary ones that made us really grateful for Him…when we still have opportunity to open our eyes in the morning…hey, i’m still alive today 🙂 …, to inhale the fresh air, to move all parts of our body, to smile with our lips, for the sun, for the family, for the work, for all things…

After all the giving thanks and praying for all things He has done and given, we were ready to eat now. The boss’ husband were ready with his knife and big fork to cut the chickens. “Which part do you want?” he asked us one by one…head, neck, breast, wings, etc. He cut the chicken for each of us…and then we started to enjoy the meals and also the togetherness again and again.

So, happy Thanksgiving 🙂
What would you give thanks for today and tomorrow and so-on and so-on? 🙂

Jakarta, 28 November 2013

kehendak-Mu atau kehendakku?

“Aku mau tas sekolah, warna pink,” kata Kiki via telepon.
Saat pulang ke Solo membawakan tas itu, kekecewaan menghiasi wajahnya. “Kenapa, dik?”
“Kok ga ada trolley-nya, budhe? Yang gambarnya Princess?”
Kupandang tas yang kubawa, memang tas sekolah, warna pink dengan gambar kucing hello-kitty. Tas lumayan besar yang muat untuk buku-buku sekolahnya, tetapi itu tak cukup memuaskannya.

Aku pun sering bersikap demikian dalam kehidupan doaku. Setiap doa yang kunaikkan, aku sudah memiliki skenario jawaban yang kuinginkan. Aku kecewa saat doaku tidak terjawab. Bukan karena Allah itu hening atau tidak mau menjawab, tetapi karena jawaban yang diberikan-Nya tak sesuai dengan yang kumau 😦

Sebenarnya doa lebih merupakan cara dimana aku bisa semakin mengenal Allah, semakin tahu kehendak-Nya, dan bagaimana hidupku bisa selaras dengan kehendak-Nya itu.

Namun prakteknya, seolah dengan doaku, aku meminta Allah untuk bertindak sesuai dengan keinginanku. Toh aku tidak berdoa demi kepentinganku sendiri. Aku berdoa agar si A sembuh, agar hubungan si B dan si C dipulihkan, agar diberi guru yang cukup bagus untuk melayani… Jawaban yang kuterima: si A dipanggil-Nya, si B pindah gereja karena tak mau lagi berurusan dengan si C, guru-guru yang ok justru resign dari pelayanan. So, does God really care about me? Sepertinya ini bukan karena Allah tidak mempedulikanku, tetapi karena jawaban-jawaban doa yang kuterima sama sekali tidak seperti yang kuharapkan…itu yang membuatku sering kecewa.

Dalam diskusi yang dilakukan oleh Haddon Robinson, Alice Mathews, dan Philip Yancey yang ditayangkan pagi ini, ada beberapa poin bagus tentang doa yang tidak terjawab.

1. God is not my accomplice to do my work, God is the work itself.
2. Prayer is a matter of trust, whatever the answer is and how silence God is, do I still believe in Him?
3. In my prayer, how can I be in line with His will rather than my own will?

Tayangan ini seperti me-recharge lagi baterai energi yang terhisap setiap kali kekecewaan melanda karena doa yang tidak terjawab…sesuai dengan keinginanku.

Belajar untuk mengatakan, “Jadilah kehendak-Mu, dan bukan kehendakku.”

Rabu, 3 Juli 2013

exploring the Kepayang island

When we just arrive at Kepayang island, exploring the surround is the first thing we do. So we walk along the beach which its white sand…still wearing our shoes and take some pictures when we are on the rock. See the dark parts on the rocks? Those are marks of the water level when the sea tides. The tidal wave will appear in the evening.

Then we go back to the cottage to tidy up our luggages. Before the sun sets, we decide to explore the Kepayang island. But one requirement is that we will walk with bare feet….huhuhuhuhu. I just imagine that it will be hurt since I’m not used to walk outside the house without sandals. I take pictures of my feet when I can stand in one of the rocks, before it is swallowed by the water the next morning because of the tidal wave.

Though complaining, I dont want to stay alone in the cottage…then we start the journey. The sand of the beach is so white and so smooth like flour. Actually it doesnt hurt my feet, except when I walk on shells. When exploring the beach, Selmi is collecting many kinds and colors of shells. She wants to make something with them and also this activity reminds her about her childhood when as a kid, she liked to do the same thing on her hometown’s beach.

Sometimes, we can not walk on the beach because of some big rocks or some big tree trunks. So we pass on the water…though very shallow…but I’m afraid and keep asking, “Is it ok to pass it? Is it not deep?” Hehehehehe…Selmi is very patience to answer my complaining questions.

On the way, we find two huge rocks and there is a secret gap between them. Of course we take the advantage by taking some pictures. We just amaze of with these huge rocks and Selmi has ability to climb it to its top. Just looking at these rocks and see the sea scenery from the gap of these huge rocks, cant stop to wonder of the Creator.

At the end of the beach, finally we see the sign of Kepayang Island 🙂 Selmi keeps telling me that if I do not walk along the beach…hehehehehe. It’s not valid if we do not take picture in those signs. That’s the proof that we already set our feet on this conservation island.


This is the end of the beach…in my opinion. I know that Selmi will follow her adventurous heart, but I already give up. So we back to our cottage via the forest reservation. Can not enjoy the way since very quiet and too many mosquitos 🙂
But at least, we already explore some parts of this island on our first day…

Kepayang Island, 23 May 2013

Belitung Trip––1st Day

Yes…finally today we, Selmi and I, are ready to go to Belitung island. The taxi picks us up at 8 AM and takes us to Soeta airport. We use “taxiku”, so we are free for all the toll payments to airport. At 9 AM, we are in the airport and just an hour waiting before take off. Thanks God no delay for the Sriwijaya flight.

Only takes 50 minutes to fly and now we arrive at H.A.S. Hanandjoeddin airport. So quiet since there is only our plane which is landing and the arrival gate is not to far. Of course after taking several pictures in front of the airport’s name, we are ready to go. Bang Eko and bang Eval are our tour guides and they are waiting at the gate. Now, four of us are ready to go.

The streets are very quiet, no traffic jam, but we can see some huge rocks in each side of the street. Eko explains that the name of Belitung comes from the word “belitong” which means rocks. When arrive at the city of Tanjung Pandan, the center is “titik nol”, monument which has a big satam stone (a big black rock which is believed that satam stone comes from the fractions of meteor. It becomes the unique souvenir from Belitung too).

The first destination is Mie Atep, special noodle from Belitung. People says that it is not valid yet when we dont eat at this place. It is the same as mie Aceh but much sweeter. Several famous people had eaten in this place which we can see from the photos collection on the wall.


After eating the appetizer, we are heading to Kepayang island. But on the way, we stop by at Tanjung Pendam beach. This beach is located in the middle of the city. So many citizens like to hangout in this beach every afternoon. The waves are not big, the scenery is ok, but we dont get off from the car since it is very very hot. The sun shines very brightly.

Along the way to Tanjung Kelayang harbour, the vehicles are very rare which make the streets are so quiet. And we arrive at the harbour at 2.30 PM. Actually when the sun sets or rises, this place will be very beautiful. There is a small bridge to the sea with the lamp poles on each sides. Since it is very hot, we just drink the green coconut on the beach shorelines. Then it is time to cross Tanjung Kelayang and go to Kepayang island, the place where we will stay for 3D2N. We use one of the boat. There are pak Asro (the boat owner), pak Edy, and one guy (dont know his name) who accompany us. So, just two of us as the passengers. We climb up to the boat’s roof so we can see the sea scenery.


When our boat draws closer to Kepayang beach, we can see 2 boats full of people left 😦 several people who just finish swimming…but then they left the island. So what we will do?

Kepayang island…here we comes!! So quiet island. We stay in one of five cottages for two people. There is also one cottage which is made from a tent. The island staff call it “the tent house”. Also the biggest cottage with two ACs. But I think it’s useless to use AC since the electricity is on every 5 PM – 6 AM…when there is no light from the sun 🙂

The boat’s owner tells us that kepayang also a reservation for turtles. They have a penangkaran place for their eggs and several pools for the turtles of two years old. They have plan to make a natural pool by the sea and will release all the turtles from penagkaran to the sea. We have an opportunity to hold the penyu’s. But so many mosquitos in this place because of the water pools.


Our cottage is not to small. The outside wall is made of wood and the inside wall is made of bamboo. Just one queen bed for two and one small toilet which is very dark when there is no light.


But, when we open the front door, the beach scenery is before our eyes…so wonderful. We can hear the sound of the waves, the birds are chirping, the wind is blowing…how great is the our God, the Creator of all beautiful things as far as we can see with our eyes.


Then our late lunch. The staff in Kepayang island, mbak Aas and Novi, are informed that we will arrive in the island at 11 AM. So they already cooked for us. But we arrive around 3.30 PM. We ask to take the lunch to our cottage. And the food are so yummy…kangkung, ikan bakar, cumi goreng tepung, and tempe tepung, and green coconut again.


After eating our late lunch, we go along the beach and take some photos and video. But I’m often complain along the way since i’m not used to walk on the unknown place, some are walking through water, some through the beach white sand by bare feet.


The way home, we go along the mini jungle track…but just two of us to walk through the junggle. Getting hard the ways for my bare feet. And again, the mosquitos….they are bitting my legs and hands….so itchy 😦

Finally, we arrive at our cottage. But the itches got paid when we see a beautiful rainbow on the sky. Before the rainbow, the sky is so dark, not in our island, but above the Belitung. We can see the dark sky which contains the heavy rain from a far far way (it takes 15 minutes by boat to go back to Tanjung Kelayang harbour). After the dark sky disappear, the rainbow shows up beautifully.


Then we go to the restaurant for dinner. The menu are almost the same 🙂 …kangkung, cumi saos tiram, tempe goreng tepung, ikan goreng. The resto is full of mosquitos too 😦 Here I heard stories that there are big biawak (giant lizard who eat insects) in this island and also monkeys.

My fear starts crawling after hearing the story of b otdh animals. Then the place is also very quiet since only two of us who become the guests in this island. The result is that I cant sleep all nite. I finish reading a novel by hearing music until 1.30 AM and I force myself to sleep…and still hear the sound of small animal running under my bed…and I’ve succcesfully insomnia. I can close my eyes and my mind still running until 5.30 when the sun sets…

Btw, I send sms to bang Eko of how I feel in the nite. He says that the island is safe after I am asking the number of one of the staff. But still cant sleep..just hearing the sound of the beach waves and sometime the boat’s generator…until the sun rise early in the morning of the 2nd day…

Kepayang island, 23 May 2013


Anybody knows the meaning of hesed? Hesed or chesed is an old greek word which means the loving-kindness, but which is over the top. When someone gives his abundant love to a person who doesnt deserve to accept his love, this someone shows hesed.

Talking about hesed, there is a discussion after the staff devotion this morning. We all are watching DVD That You May Be Certain and one of the parts is talking about the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15).

Now I just write what things come up in my mind after reading the three parables in the Luke 15. So it’s just my opinion 🙂

The first parable is about the man who has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. The second parable is about a woman who has ten silver coin and loses one coin. The third one is a certain man who has 2 sons–the younger son wasted his possessions with prodigal living and the older one lived a good living in his father’s house.

The younger son who comes back and wants to live as his father’s slave get hesed (a kind of love which is over the top) from his father, but not from his older brother who does not happy with the coming back of his younger bother.

Someone ask a question of what we should do as the older son so that we do not get lost too? I just think a different lesson from the 3 parables. At first, it seems that the older brother envies with his father’s love who accept his younger brother and celebrates his coming back with a party. The older one who is very angry to his father says, “I obey and serve you and I dont get a young goat to make a party with my friends?”

But i think he is not angry over the young goat or a party for him. Actually he is angry with his father’s way in treating his younger brother. Perhaps in his mind he says that his brother doesnt deserve to get hesed from his father because of his prodigal living.

When we compare it with the two parables…the shepherd and the woman with all their hearts willing to look for the one sheep and one silver coin which lose. But why it is hard to do the same with the sinner?

The audiences of those parables are pharisees and scribes. So, the younger son is the sinner, the older son is pharisees and scribes, and the father is God.

It seems that God teaches me to accept and full of joy when a sinner makes a repentance. Is it easy? No! I have my own judgement for each people. For A & B, I am happy for their repentance, but not for C. But God teaches me to love and accept all kind of people the same as my willingness to search for either my “sheep or coin” which lose.

Second lesson, I tend to keep the secret of my joy for my own. I dont want to share so that other people can find their joy too by knowing Jesus. This is a wrong attitude. If I know the source of the real joy, I must share it to others though in my mind they dont deserve to know the secret.

Hhmmm…those just what i thought after the devo time on Wednesday morning.

Jakarta, 17 April 2013