a hidden gift

It’s almost a year after my last post 😦 How difficult to discipline myself to write something. So today will start again…hope that it will not only a seasonal wish, but will be a routine thing to do…at least one writing a month make my fingers dance smoothly πŸ™‚

This morning is different from my usual mornings. Since yesterday I didn’t keep up my words with David for the broadcasting stuff, I “pay” my debt today. Now I am dealing with Jo. He asks me to read a devotional after gives me two tips: 1. try to be relax, 2. pay attention to your articulation and intonation. That’s all and he just standing next to me when my voice being recorded.

Then he gives his evaluation. My voice color is “ripe” enough for the low voice (the alto sound). My articulation is clear and the thing that makes me shock is when he said that I have a good voice color for radio. He and David have a “sensitive” hearing to know which sound is good or not for the “voice”. “He says, “Your voice is a gift.” Though he can hear the javanese dialect in my voice. The dialect can’t be erased, but it can be reduce since it is the way I speak since I was born.

Frankly speaking, I never think that my voice is my gift. I just feel that this morning, he and He reveal my hidden gift. But is it true? For me it’s too good to be true. I’m too too quiet, even I seldom to speak if it’s not necessary. In my family, I have my father’s DNA, of course lah πŸ™‚ … what I mean is that I am almost the same as my daddy…quiet and can’t sing. Though my dad is a good teacher but don’t ask him to sing πŸ™‚ even he only talks much in front of the class, out of the class, the silent mode on. And myself is the same. So when Jo said that my voice color is good, actually I can’t believe it. When I told him about it, he said that I’ve never been diagnosed by the right doctor who knows well about voice stuff.

He also explains that when someone is hearing their recording voice, they have 2 feelings: 1. they have no confidence of themselves (subjective), 2. there is a difference when hearing the voice directly or the recording voice. When I am speaking, I hear the sound through the air and also I can feel the sound which propagates from my mouth to my ear. When hearing the recording voice, I only hear the sound through the air. It creates the differences of the sound.

But still I am not sure with my own voice. David and Jo agree that I have a good voice color, I am not convinced yet. They have an open audition for the staff to read the devotional for radio program. I’m not sure that I will be the chosen voice since Santi’s, Echa’s, Mary’s, Yuli’s, Riris’ are much much better πŸ™‚ At least I have tried to record my voice.

Is it difficult to give thanks for my hidden gift? Yes, it is since I never realize that I have it. On the other side, I am afraid if I never use this special gift of mine…the hidden one…

Jakarta, 17 September 2014

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